The Dolezal Gap

rachel-dolezal.jpg

Originally Published June, 2016

This article in The Telegraph wonders if the “world’s conspiracy theorists have been right all along”—listing some real conspiracies like the Fifa scandal, the Iraq War and the banking scandals. But you wouldn’t want to read about them because they’re boring and there’s no Rachel Dolezal in them.

Let’s face it: if Dolezal didn’t exist, TLC, E! and Mitchell Hurwitz would have had to invent her. Because then there would have been a serious Dolezal Gap. She is the “Honey Where’s My Pants” of this week.

There is no doubt that there are people with very valid concerns about this woman and what she did. But their concerns are not what drives this media Mad Max SUV along. It’s the “Honey Where’s My Pants” factor. It’s the Dolezal Gap in online entertainment based on the fucked-upness of various members of the human race.

Here is the equation:

1. Rachel Dolezal-type scandal

2. Massive social media fighting and online pontificating and lynch-mobbing

3. Jon Ronson trailing along right behind like the Droopy cameo in “Who Framed Roger Rabbit,” tweeting “I sure hope she’s OK…” and holding up a copy of his book “So You’ve Been Publicly Shamed”

Everybody sells something, whether it’s a book, website clicks, or a fleeting moment of ego supremacy. Nothing gets really fixed—rather, the whole spectacle itself is a Fix, like a drug fix.

And I spent fucking HOURS reading this Dolezal shit. I’m hooked on the horse like the rest.

Only by preemptively writing about it all, I can feel…

dodgeball-better-than-you-meme.jpg

And I was feeling pretty shitty about that, but the fact that I admitted it with a funny meme another person made makes me feel vindicated.