The Truth About Digital Privacy

Originally Published February 2016

I know there’s a lot of hoopla over Apple being asked to crack a iPhone by the U.S. government, and CEO Tim Cook pushing back.

The world waits and asks: “will our digital privacy be forever compromised?”

Haha, I got news for you pal: you have no digital privacy. None. You don’t have it.

You need to just accept it now: every porn website you’ve visited, every irate email you’ve written, every embarrassing Tweet and Facebook post you’ve quickly deleted when you were sober, every sext—it can ALL be accessed one way or another. And not just by a government wonk performing under the rubric of NATIONAL SECURITY. No, you can just have some bored, angry, genius hacker in god-knows-what-the-fuck-country just pulling up your personal shit for fun and possible blackmail.

So you need too take a big breath right now, accept that your entire digital footprint up to this point can be blasted onto a Gawker headline without further notice, and just move on with your life. Rehearse to yourself what you would say if the dolphin-porn websites you visit on your phone during work breaks get revealed to all your loved ones and immediate peer group, and just move the fuck on with your life.